How to Support a Loved One During EMDR Therapy

Jan 27

This blog is adapted from one of our recent podcast episodes. You can take a listen at the button above.

EMDR therapy can be life-changing, but it can also feel confusing, intense, and emotionally demanding, especially for the people supporting someone through the process. If your partner, child, close friend, or family member is in EMDR therapy, you may find yourself wondering what’s happening in sessions, why they seem more tired or emotional afterward, and how to help without saying the wrong thing.

This guide breaks down what EMDR looks like from the outside and offers practical, compassionate ways to support a loved one while also taking care of yourself.

What Is EMDR Therapy?

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a trauma-focused therapy designed to help the brain reprocess distressing memories so they no longer feel overwhelming in the present.

Rather than relying solely on talk therapy, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation - activating one side of the body and then the other through eye movements, tapping, or sounds. This back-and-forth stimulation helps the brain access and integrate experiences that may have been “stuck,” often since childhood or earlier trauma.

The goal isn’t to erase memories. It’s to reduce their emotional charge so they no longer control thoughts, reactions, or relationships.

Why EMDR Can Be So Exhausting

EMDR therapy is active, not passive. Even when clients aren’t talking much, their nervous systems are working hard.

During sessions, clients may be accessing painful memories, emotions, and physical sensations connected to trauma. This process can leave them feeling drained, foggy, emotionally sensitive, or quieter than usual afterward.

For loved ones, this can be surprising, especially if there’s an expectation that therapy should immediately make someone feel better. With EMDR, feeling worse before feeling better is often part of the healing process.

What Loved Ones Often Notice After EMDR Sessions

People going through EMDR may experience a range of reactions between sessions, particularly in the first 48–72 hours. These responses are common and usually temporary.

You might notice:

Increased fatigue or need for rest
Emotional sensitivity or irritability
Vivid dreams or disrupted sleep
Unexpected memories or insights surfacing
Difficulty concentrating
A desire for quiet or alone time

These reactions don’t mean therapy is failing. They often signal that the brain is continuing to process material outside of session.

Why EMDR Intensives Can Be Helpful

Some clients choose EMDR intensives (longer sessions held less frequently) rather than weekly therapy. Intensives allow deeper work to happen in a contained time frame, followed by longer recovery periods.

For loved ones, this can mean fewer repeated cycles of emotional exhaustion. While intensives aren’t right for everyone, they can reduce the stop-start nature of weekly processing and make the overall experience more manageable.

How to Support a Loved One Without Pressuring Them

One of the most important things you can do is remove pressure.

Your loved one does not need to explain what happened in therapy. Let them share if they want to, but avoid pushing for details. EMDR work is internal, and talking about it too soon can sometimes interrupt the process.

Helpful support often looks like:

Respecting their need for quiet after sessions
Letting emotions come and go without trying to fix them
Offering presence instead of advice
Normalizing ups and downs

Simply being steady and available can help your loved one feel safe during a vulnerable season.

Practical Ways to Help After EMDR Appointments

Support doesn’t have to be emotional only - logistical help matters, too.

Consider:

Offering to drive them to or from therapy
Meeting them afterward for something grounding, like a walk or meal
Taking on extra household tasks on therapy days
Keeping the home environment calm
Encouraging them to write down insights rather than holding everything mentally

These small actions reduce cognitive load and help the nervous system settle.

Emotional Support That Truly Helps

When someone you love is in EMDR, it’s natural to want to fix their pain. Unfortunately, fixing often isn’t possible, and trying can make someone feel misunderstood.

What does help:

Listening without problem-solving
Validating how hard the work is
Celebrating subtle progress
Reassuring them that you’re not going anywhere

Healing often happens quietly before it becomes visible.

Don’t Forget Fun and Connection

Trauma work can make life feel heavy. Intentionally creating moments of joy helps balance the nervous system.

Your loved one may not feel motivated to have fun during this season. That’s where gentle invitations matter - watching a show together, going for a short outing, laughing over something familiar.

Fun doesn’t minimize healing work. It supports it.

What to Temporarily Table During EMDR

As people heal, old relational patterns may no longer work. This can create tension, especially in partnerships.

During more intensive phases of EMDR, it can be helpful to:

Table non-urgent conflicts
Avoid major relationship decisions when possible
Focus on stabilization rather than resolution

This isn’t avoidance - it’s timing. Healing can temporarily disrupt dynamics before things rebalance.

Caring for Yourself: Secondary Trauma and Burnout

Supporting someone through trauma work can take a toll. Compassion fatigue and secondary trauma are real, especially for partners and close family members.

Ask yourself:

Who is supporting me right now?
Am I getting enough rest and space?
Would therapy or additional support help me, too?

You don’t need to carry this alone. Taking care of yourself strengthens your ability to support your loved one.

Involving Loved Ones in Therapy (When Appropriate)

Many EMDR therapists welcome partners or family members into a session (with the client’s consent) for education and support.

When loved ones approach therapy with curiosity rather than control, it often strengthens trust and safety. Even one session focused on understanding the process can make a meaningful difference.