Is It Burnout or Trauma? Understanding Relational Trauma at Home and Work

Oct 14

This blog is adapted from one of our recent podcast episodes. You can take a listen at the button above

Work stress is nothing new, but what if it’s not just stress? For many adults, especially those with a history of relational trauma, the workplace becomes a mirror reflecting old survival patterns: people-pleasing, perfectionism, conflict avoidance, or sudden emotional shutdowns.

What Is Relational Trauma?

Relational trauma is the result of repeated harmful interactions (often in childhood) that impact how we connect with others and perceive ourselves. It's often the kind of trauma that doesn’t leave visible scars but affects your nervous system, emotional regulation, and relationships.

This kind of trauma can be:

Emotional neglect or inconsistency
Parentification (when a child has to care for a parent)
Exposure to high-conflict or emotionally unsafe environments

When unresolved, it doesn’t just disappear - it shows up at work, in relationships, and in the way we care for ourselves.

Signs You’re Experiencing Trauma at Work

1. People-Pleasing: If you learned early on that keeping others happy kept you safe, that coping strategy often carries into adulthood. At work, it might look like always saying yes, feeling guilty for setting boundaries, or being unable to rest.

2. Perfectionism & Overfunctioning: Hypervigilance - constantly scanning for danger - can translate into perfectionism. You may feel the need to work late, obsess over emails, or create impossible standards for yourself, even when your supervisor has realistic expectations.

3. Sudden Crashes: Employees may appear to be high performers, but then hit a wall unexpectedly. This collapse often confuses supervisors who weren’t aware of any problems, but the burnout was building silently under the surface.

4. Avoiding or Seeking Out Conflict: If speaking up felt unsafe in the past, you might avoid conflict entirely or swing the opposite direction and overcorrect by becoming overly confrontational. Both can be trauma responses to not feeling seen or heard.

5. Emotional Numbness or Disengagement: If you can’t meet the unrealistic expectations you’ve set, you may start to emotionally withdraw from work. You dread Monday mornings, disconnect from coworkers, and stop caring about your performance.

But Isn’t This Just Burnout?

Burnout and trauma symptoms can look similar, but trauma is deeper and often longstanding. Burnout usually stems from external conditions (too much work, not enough support), while trauma involves internalized stress responses shaped by past experiences.

You may be experiencing trauma, not just burnout, if:

You feel unsafe saying no
You always feel “on edge”
You don’t allow yourself rest
You’re emotionally reactive (or totally shut down)

Trauma Patterns Don’t Stay at Work

Work stress bleeds into your home life, especially for people carrying trauma. You may find yourself snapping at loved ones, retreating emotionally, or carrying work pressure into personal relationships.

Teachers, in particular, are reaching out for trauma therapy at unprecedented rates. The last few years have been incredibly challenging for educators. Many enter the profession to help others heal, yet struggle with unhealed trauma themselves.

Their work can become retraumatizing, especially when they don’t have time or support to process their own pain. Seeking therapy isn’t weakness - it’s wisdom.

How Many Employees Are Affected?

Research suggests that 1 in 3 people in the U.S. experience relational trauma in childhood. About 30% of those will meet the criteria for PTSD later in life. That means in any workplace, there’s a good chance multiple people are silently struggling with trauma-related symptoms.

(Source: National Child Traumatic Stress Network and PTSD Alliance)

What Can Help?

Try This Right Now: The Body Scan - Start by noticing your feet on the floor. Slowly scan upward - legs, stomach, chest, shoulders, jaw - and notice where you’re holding tension. Imagine light and warmth softening those areas. Breathe into them. One minute of this can help regulate your nervous system.

Long-Term Support: EMDR Therapy - EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a trauma therapy that helps reset your brain’s alarm system. It can: