Where Does Anxiety Come From? (And How Do We Actually Treat It?)
This blog is adapted from one of our recent podcast episodes. You can take a listen at the button above.
We're continuing the anxiety series today with a question that sounds simple but opens up into something pretty layered: where does anxiety actually come from?
Today we talk about the roots of anxiety, the difference between an anxiety disorder and an anxious attachment style, and why so much of the disordered anxiety I see in my practice traces back to childhood - not always to big, obvious trauma, but to the quieter, more pervasive experiences that shape a nervous system over time.
Key Takeaways
In this blog post, you'll learn:
Where anxiety actually comes from
Three parenting patterns that commonly lead to anxiety in adulthood
The difference between an anxiety disorder and an anxious attachment style
Why disordered anxiety is often rooted in childhood experiences, not always big trauma
How EMDR treats anxiety at the root rather than managing it at the surface
When to seek support
Where Does Anxiety Come From?
When I look at the patterns I see most in my practice (the situations in childhood that tend to produce anxiety in adulthood) all three of them come back to uncertainty in some form.
One important note: anxiety symptoms can have physical causes. Low blood sugar triggers a sympathetic nervous system response. Social media use can significantly exacerbate anxiety. As clinicians, we need to be screening for those things, keeping a whole-person mindset, and not assuming that everything traces back to childhood experience. But when we're talking about disordered anxiety, anxiety that isn't warranted by what's currently happening externally, in my practice, it very often does.
Three Parenting Patterns That Create Anxious Nervous Systems
1. Inconsistent or abusive parenting
When a child can't predict what's coming, whether their parent will be warm or cold, safe or dangerous, the nervous system learns to stay on alert. The question running underneath everything is: what's going to happen next, and do I need to be ready for it? That's the definition of chronic anxiety. The system never gets to fully rest because rest has never been reliably safe.
2. Anxious parents
A child's nervous system maps onto the adults around them. If a parent exists in a state of chronic anxiety, the child's nervous system learns: this is how we operate. This is the baseline. Anxiety becomes the default setting, not because anything necessarily happened to the child directly, but because the nervous system was trained to function that way from the beginning.
3. Lower-functioning parents
This is a wide spectrum. It doesn't necessarily mean severe neglect or abuse. It can mean a parent who couldn't get the child to school on time consistently, or who kept forgetting to buy the birthday present for the third party in a row. A parent who, because of their own challenges (ADHD, cognitive deficits, their own mental health) wasn't reliably able to handle the daily and weekly tasks their child needed from them.
What happens to the child in that situation? They start picking up the slack. They start managing things that are too much for a child to manage. And taking on responsibilities you're not developmentally ready for is (you guessed it!) a source of anxiety. The uncertainty isn't about safety in the traditional sense. It's about whether anything is going to get handled, and what happens if it doesn't.
All three of these parenting patterns create the same underlying experience: a child who cannot reliably predict that the people around them will keep things okay. And that is the nervous system learning to stay anxious.
Learn more about anxiety treatment at Seen Therapy Services →
Anxiety Disorder vs. Anxious Attachment: What's the Difference?
An anxiety disorder is pervasive. It shows up across contexts. It's anxiety that isn't tied specifically to relationship - it's present when you're alone, at work, in unfamiliar situations, in the middle of the night for no clear reason.
An anxious attachment style is relational. It shows up specifically and most intensely within intimate relationships. The closer a relationship is, the more the anxiety activates. Because the core fear in anxious attachment is abandonment, rejection, or loss, and those fears are most alive in the relationships that matter most.
This is why spouses often say: "They don't act like this with anyone else." And that's frequently true. Someone with an anxious attachment style might be perfectly regulated at work, in friendships, in casual social situations, and then activated and dysregulated within their marriage. Because their marriage is where the attachment system is most engaged, and therefore where the anxiety most shows up.
Does anxious attachment cross into work relationships? Sometimes, particularly when someone's workplace relationships become intimate or high-stakes. But it's not universal. For many people, anxious attachment really does stay within the closest relationships.
The key distinction: an anxiety disorder shows up broadly, across life contexts. An anxious attachment style shows up specifically within relationship, particularly intimate relationship.
Is Anxiety Often Unresolved Childhood Stuff?
Yes. In my practice, yes, most of the time.
And I want to be clear: I'm not just talking about big T trauma. I'm not saying that everyone with anxiety experienced something objectively severe. I'm saying that so much anxiety is rooted in past situations that the nervous system encoded as unsafe, and "unsafe" is a wide category.
The little girl raised by a loving mother who had significant anxiety herself. That child's nervous system was mapping onto an anxious baseline from the very beginning. She didn't experience trauma in the traditional sense. But her nervous system was programmed to be anxious even when nothing warranted it because that's what she was surrounded by during the years when the nervous system does its most fundamental wiring.
The kid who had to take responsibility for things a child shouldn't have to manage. The one who never knew if they'd be dropped off or picked up. The one who had to keep the peace, read the room, and stay one step ahead of everyone else's emotions to feel okay.
These are the roots I see behind so much anxiety in adults. And this is why EMDR can be so effective in treating it.
Why EMDR Works for Anxiety
EMDR doesn't just treat PTSD. It treats symptoms that result from a loss of safety, whether that's physical safety, emotional safety, or social safety.
Anxiety, in so many presentations, is a symptom of a nervous system that learned it wasn't safe. EMDR gets to the root of that - the specific memories, the beliefs that formed around those experiences, the moments when the nervous system first decided it needed to stay on alert. And it helps the brain update those decisions with more accurate information about the present.
That's the difference between treating anxiety at the surface and treating it at the source. Talk therapy, particularly cognitive approaches, can help you manage the anxious thoughts. EMDR works on why those thoughts are being generated in the first place.
For chronic anxiety that's existed for years or decades, EMDR is often a major part of treatment but not the only part. There's usually a whole scaffolding of behavior that developed around years of disordered anxiety (ways of relating, coping, moving through the world) that also needs to be addressed. EMDR handles the trauma piece. The behavioral scaffolding needs its own attention.
When Should You Seek Support?
Everyone experiences anxiety sometimes. You should. It serves a purpose. The anxiety that fires when something genuinely threatening is happening, that's not the problem.
The signal that it's time to talk to someone: when you're anxious and you genuinely can't identify why. When the anxiety isn't connected to anything external that warrants it. When you take action (you send the email, you address the thing) and hours later, the feeling hasn't dissipated.
That last one is one I come back to a lot. An anxiety response that fires and then lingers long after the stressor has been addressed is the nervous system stuck in a loop it hasn't learned to exit. That's worth paying attention to.
Frequently Asked Questions About Where Anxiety Comes From
Is anxiety caused by childhood experiences?
Often, yes, but not always, and not exclusively. Many cases of disordered anxiety trace back to childhood experiences that taught the nervous system to default to alert: inconsistent or abusive parenting, anxious caregivers, or having to take on responsibilities too early. But physical causes like blood sugar issues can also trigger anxiety responses, and current life factors like social media use can significantly exacerbate existing anxiety.
What's the difference between an anxiety disorder and anxious attachment?
An anxiety disorder is pervasive. It shows up across contexts, not specifically tied to relationship. An anxious attachment style is relational. It activates most strongly within intimate relationships, driven by a core fear of abandonment or loss. Someone can have one, the other, or both.
Does anxious attachment show up at work?
Sometimes, particularly when work relationships become close or high-stakes. But not universally. Many people with anxious attachment are well-regulated in professional contexts and only show the attachment anxiety within their closest personal relationships.
Can EMDR treat anxiety?
Yes. EMDR treats symptoms that result from a loss of safety, and anxiety, in many presentations, is exactly that. It addresses the root experiences that taught the nervous system to default to anxious responding, rather than just managing anxiety symptoms at the surface. For chronic anxiety with years of behavioral scaffolding built around it, EMDR is typically a significant part of treatment alongside other approaches.
What's the difference between a normal anxiety response and a disordered one?
A normal anxiety response is proportionate to an actual external stressor and dissipates once the stressor is addressed. A disordered anxiety response either fires without a clear external trigger, is disproportionate to what's actually happening, or persists long after the stressor has been resolved. When anxiety lingers hours after you've taken action on something, that's a signal worth paying attention to.
How do I know if my anxiety is rooted in childhood?
If your anxiety feels chronic rather than situational (present even when life is relatively calm) and especially if you find yourself anxious in relationships in ways that feel outsized compared to what's actually happening, childhood experiences are often worth exploring. A trauma-informed therapist can help you begin to trace the connections.
Related Resources
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Hello. Hello. Hello, friends, welcome to the podcast where we simplify everything about mental health. Just kidding. But here's what we are gonna do. We're gonna sit down together a licensed mental health professional, that's me and a regular old Joe as my husband Garth would describe himself. We're gonna talk about the nitty gritty of EMDR, some nervous system mapping, how couples can help each other heal. What's healthy parenting actually look like? Maybe a little bit of good old banter mixed in. All with the goal of making mental health a little bit simpler for you. Quick note, because my lawyer says that I have to, I'm a therapist, but not your therapist. Unless I am. Even if I am. This is still just a podcast. Okay, now have a good listen. Hello, friends. We are moving along in our anxiety series today. We are talking anxiety and physical symptoms. Does the body actually keep the score? Bum, bum, bum. Garth there's a big controvershy- controversy right now regarding the body keeps the score book. We're not gonna really talk about that today, but I just wanna throw that out there. Mm. Ooh. What is it? I, I, I don't even know. Okay. I mean, I do, but it's... I don't know how to explain it really quickly. Gotcha. But we are gonna be talking about physical symptoms of anxiety today, and before we really roll into it, bant us away, sir. Man, okay. So- Favorite musician or music group of all time I genuinely have no idea Yeah, I figured. I figured you wouldn't You know the lyrics to everything you've ever heard, but could not tell a soul who sung it or what band or what the name of the song is. Mm-hmm. It's impressive. Yep. You can sing along to things. I'm like, "There's no way you've ever heard this song before," and you're just singing along, and I'm like, "Okay." I legitimately don't have to hear it more than once for it to just be, like, locked in. Mm-hmm. Whatever is happening in my brain that makes that happen, like I had a client just today actually that I had not seen for over a year. They were a returning client. Mm-hmm. And they were like, "Well, let me remind you of..." And I was like, "Yeah, I, I don't need reminded." Remind me. Yeah. It is, like, i- locked in there somehow. Mm-hmm. But yeah, couldn't, couldn't tell you who's singing the song who the band is. Don't know. Don't know. So anyway, yeah, I'm sorry. I think this might be the first band that I don't have an answer to. I mean, I could throw somebody out there- Inadequate answer ... but it just wouldn't be true. Yeah. Well, throw, throw one out there- I will tell you- ... so we get a sense of the style you're into. My favorite concert was probably Ed Sheeran just because- Mm-hmm ... I thought his looping was really, Yeah ... impressive. It was awesome. It was very performative and impressive, and- If I'm honest- ... he's not just a pretty face ... if I'm honest though- He knows his stuff ... Ed Sheeran was probably my second favorite concert, but I know that my first favorite concert, I know- Anyway, Garth really loves the Foo Fighters, loved the Foo Fighters, but was very let down by Dave Grohl's, Recent events ... recent events. Let's just leave it at that. Yeah. Not a great dad move, or a great partner move. I say not a great dad move, I mean- Yeah. To who? Right, right. The worst dad, worst dad move would've just been to completely ignore it, I guess. But anyway- Mm-hmm ... here we are. So how about you? Yeah, it's, it's gotta be my boys over at Coheed and Cambria. Knew it. Okay. Gotta be. I s- I don't necessarily guess your ban- Mm-hmm ... answers correctly as often- Often ... as I would like to. Yeah. But I had that one in my head. Yeah. Had it locked away. Yep. Okay. I've got their tour, tour dates pulled up. Next time they're in Kansas City or St. Louis, we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to go. Sorry, we're just gonna have to. Pop on over there. Yeah. Okay. Sounds good. All right, sir. We're doing the same format that we've done for the last two. All right. You've got the questions. I'm ready. Hopefully I have some answers. So if you wanna take us away with questions, I will start trying to answer them. Okay. A reminder, today's topic is anxiety and physical symptoms. Mm. Pretty much. Boom, boom, boom. I'm summarizing. So, question number one: I think a lot of people don't connect their physical symptoms to anxiety. What are we talking about? Okay. You have physical symptoms of anxiety. You have headaches. You have stomach issues, digestive issues. You have chronic muscle tension. I wanna loop back to that one. You have difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, fatigue that does not relieve even when you do sleep well. So people will tell me, like, "My sleep score for my Oura Ring is really high, but I'm still feeling exhausted." You experience an elevated heart rate for no reason. Shortness of breath for no reason. Start to have skin responses like rashes for seemingly no reason. The body can really start to have some, I'm moving away from the microphone some pretty significant reactions as a result of anxiety. I wanted to loop back to mon- muscle tension because for folks with a- an anxiety disorder we'll say their body over time has become so tense that the body itself is starting to indicate to the body that it should be having an anxiety response because of the level of tension that it's in. Mm. Yeah. So this is where, you know, chiropractic care massage therapy. If you're in Springfield, Missouri, shout out Dr. Abigail Emory. She is wonderful. She is my chiropractor, and she is hiring a massage therapist the week of this recording, which is the beginning of August. So, going and relieving that muscle tension really is an, an efficacious re- which essentially just means, like, research-backed way to help you to manage anxiety. You will see faster symptom reduction if you do some physical things for that muscle tension alongside therapy. Yeah. So fun fact. Okay. That makes sense to me. That brings us to question number two you talked about. Sorry, you're just like, "I am rolling us along. I am not taking the bait on your long-winded answers today." Nope. Not today. Not today. Question number two. Okay. Why does anxiety show up in the body at all? What's the mechanism? You talked about it just now. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Why does anxiety show up in the body at all? Mm-hmm That's hard to answer because it's like anxiety is the body. Sure, yeah. It's, it's the body first. I think when we think of anxiety, we think of anxious thoughts, but the body is... Or I'm sorry, anxiety is body first, thoughts second. Mm-hmm. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like, why does it even show up in the body? It, it is the body. Like, it is- 'Cause it's where it is. It's there, yeah. Right, right. Like, it is the fight or flight response. Like, there's, Yeah. W- we do. We- I think maybe on a more, like, literal level, it shows up in the body because it's designed to protect you in situations where you may need to fight or flight, right? Fight or flee. Yeah, we talked about this in a previous episode, like, anxiety's not a bad thing. Mm-hmm. And I think, too, because we, for, for whatever reason, and I don't- I'm not sure if this is something that's come about as a result of, like, cognitive behavioral therapy. I don't know. But when we think of anxiety, we do think of anxious thoughts. Mm-hmm. And some people are confused because they come to me and they're describing anxiety symptoms, but they're not really having anxious thoughts. Some people don't- Mm-hmm ... get all the way there. Yeah. They have the body response without the, like, really cognitive response. Does that make sense? Mm-hmm. Yeah, for sure. They're, they're like- Yeah ... they're not having that ruminating thinking that we th- that we think of when we think of anxiety, but they are having that initial body response. Yep. Yeah. Okay, question number three. I, I should... I feel like I need some sort of, like, sound bite whenever I'm done, like, ding. When you're done you, you need a little ding. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, question three. You could just do that. All right. Now I'm just a little obsessed with it. Three, a lot of people have been told by doctors that nothing is wrong. What happens to them? Can you tell me more, more what you mean wh- about what happens to them? So a lot of people are having this anxiety, it's showing up in their body, and doctors are like, "You're fine. Nothing's broken. Everything's working like it should." What do they do then? Gotcha. So- The doc- the doctor said you're fine So like I'm having this intense stomach pain, but everything looks- They've run the tests like it's checking- Yeah ... out. Yep. Why, why is this happening? Mm-hmm. Yeah. So and, and then what, what happens to them? Like what, what's the next step? Yeah. Well, hopefully they come to therapy. Like Right ... I, I have a brochure that I hand out to doctor's offices, and it, the whole brochure is like when to know to refer your patient, and it's to EMDR specifically when to know, how to know when to refer your patient to EMDR. But one of the things that it talks about is having physical symptoms that are going unexplained. Mm-hmm. Right? And so unfortunately, oftentimes if somebody is dismissed, their symptoms do exacerbate quite a bit before they're addressed in therapy. Mm-hmm. But if you are having physical symptoms that you have done a thorough you've done your due diligence to have that addressed with like your primary care and everything's coming up seemingly fine consider therapy. Because I'm referencing back to what I said earlier, it is confusing for folks when they aren't having anxious thoughts, but they are having body responses to or they're having anxiety responses. That does happen. Mm-hmm. So if you're one of those people who's having those significant unexplained symptoms, but you're not having like the ruminating thoughts go to therapy. Come see us. Come go see somebody- Yeah ... that can start to kind of, walk through that with you. Yeah. Does that make sense? Does that answer the question? I think it does. Ding. And unfortunately, I, and maybe this is my perception, maybe you can help me here, doctors aren't always eager to refer out to mental health. Sometimes it's, "Oh, you have a stomach issue. I didn't find anything. You need to go see the specialist doctor," and it's not a referral to maybe mental health. Maybe that's just a cons- misconception that I have. Not a doctor, not a therapist, but- Yeah ... I don't know I do think because of how we generally pursue litigation in this country that like a primary care, for instance, would be more likely to refer to you know, a cardiologist when you're having chest tightness. Mm-hmm. Not in the present moment, but like when you describe having had it y- you know, Mm-hmm every two weeks fairly consistently. And also like, yeah, go to the car- but I, I want you to go to the cardiologist. Sure. Right? And when the cardiologist clears you, I want them to refer you to me. I guess I've never totally thought through that before. But yeah, I go see a lot of primary cares. I don't see a lot of specialists, but really if I'm a primary care, I'm sending somebody to the cardiologist. So anyway. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it makes sense to me. I, I don't think that primary cares, or that physicians in general are resistant to mental healthcare referrals And I do think they should do their due diligence- Mm-hmm ... bef- beforehand. Yeah. I don't think that primary cares are often very connected to private practice clinicians like myself- Mm-hmm that niche, that specialize in something. Mm-hmm. But that's not necessarily on them. Like, I think we as clinicians need to be working to make that connection. Yeah. Anyway, really got off there, so ding. That's what I'm here for. Yeah. Drive you off topic ... yeah, subbing myself out. All right. Okay. What's our next one? Question number four, is there a name for this, the anxiety that shows up as physical symptoms? Mm-hmm. Again, this would... So our last episode was on high functioning anxiety. That is not a clinical term. This is not a clinical term, so it's not, like, a diagnosis in the DSM5, but we would call it somatic anxiety or body-based anxiety. Again, folks that everybody has a physical experience with anxiety, but some people really only have a physical experience and don't have much of a cognitive experience. And no matter how much you notice the physical experience, the physical experience does come before the cognitive experience. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay. And it's also on a spectrum. Like, is that physical experience fleeting, or is it really worn on your body, and even when you're not in an immediate anxiety, stress response, you're still experiencing some significant symptoms like extreme muscle tension? Mm-hmm. Right? So everybody has that anxiety response, and then some people also notice a significant cognitive response. And then if that happens long enough, you're also going to experience more chronic symptoms like intense muscle tension. Did you follow there? Did I get- Mm-hmm ... off track? Okay. No, I think that answers it. It was a pretty straightforward question, so I think you answered it fully. Ding. Ding. Question number five. Okay. What does treatment look like when anxiety is mostly physical? Are there different things that you do? Yeah, this is why EMDR can be so helpful in addressing anxiety, right? Is because, again, not everybody gets to the cognitive part in a really significant way. So EMDR and other, like, somatic work focuses on the body, the nervous system. There is some thought work in EMDR as well. But we have to utilize something that can work at the place where the anxiety originated, where it lives. I use the imagery often, like, I want to pull up the weed. I don't want to just cut it off at the top, right? Mm-hmm. And so I think- Right ... addressing just cognitions trims the weed. Addressing where the anxiety lives, which is in the body, pulls the weed up. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you cannot separate anxiety from the body. We have known it as more of a cognitive-based experience, but it is, it does not start there. And for some people, it never gets there. Yeah. Ding. Ding. I need an actual physical bell. You do. I'll work on that. Mm-hmm. Okay. Last question. Okay. If you answer it quickly, we may be under 20 minutes for the first time in our lives podcasting. Whoa. What would you say- No pressure ... to someone who is convinced it's physical and not psychological? That there's something physically wrong with them and it's not anxiety causing these, these physiological symptoms Well, someone is really intent that something physical is going on, I am always going to encourage them to pursue talking to their primary care, talking to, you know, getting a referral for a specialist. Like, follow that intuition. And at the same time, we cannot separate body and mind. Like, it is a full system. Mm-hmm. If we have pursued things with our primary care and even specialists can we consider for a moment what the nervous system might be carrying? Hmm. Like, is, is that possible, right? Yeah. To, to just sit with that. So again, I'm, I'm always encouraging people, let's do our due diligence with primary care, as well specialists. But we cannot separate the body and the mind, and if you have been chronically anxious, your nervous system has had a ca- a heavy load to carry. Mm-hmm. I beat 20 minutes, but now you've gotta summarize for us. Go. Number one, I think a lot of people don't connect their physical symptoms to anxiety. What are we talking about? Number two, why does anxiety show up in the body at all? What's the mechanism? Number three, a lot of people have been told by doctors that nothing is wrong. What happens to them? Number four, is there a name for this anxiety that primarily shows up as physical symptoms? And number five, what does treatment look like when anxiety is mostly physical? And number six, what would you say to someone who's convinced it is physical, not psychological? Ooh. Still didn't make it. We're at 20:30. Wow. But it was close. Close. It was dang close. Folks, thanks so much for stopping in and having a listen with us. I really appreciate it. I know Garth does as well. We are genuinely just... I, I mean, we enjoy putting this podcast out and love that people sit down and, and listen to us every week. So, tell your friends, come back for another listen, and we'll talk to you soon. Bye. Well, that's all folks. Please see our show notes for ways to connect with us or go give us a follow on Instagram. You can find us at Simply Mental. If this episode resonated with you, send it over to a friend. Give us a five star rating. Subscribe. Download all the things the cool kids are doing these days. Thanks for having to listen.
About Cassandra Minnick
EMDR Intensive Therapy for Busy Professionals | Trauma & Anxiety Treatment | Licensed Professional Counselor, EMDRIA Certified
I'm an EMDRIA-certified EMDR therapist with over a decade of experience helping adults understand and heal from chronic trauma. My practice focuses on the often-confusing patterns that emerge in adulthood—the behaviors, reactions, and relationship dynamics that don't make sense until we trace them back to their origins.
Chronic trauma doesn't always look like what we expect. It shows up in how we respond to conflict, how we relate to ourselves, and in the persistent feeling that something is "off" even when life looks fine on the surface. I work with clients to make sense of these patterns and create lasting change through EMDR therapy.
I specialize in EMDR intensive therapy—a condensed format that works particularly well for busy professionals who need effective treatment without the commitment of weekly sessions stretched over months or years.
I've been practicing EMDR since 2016, and I'm passionate about helping people move from survival mode to actually living their lives. When you've spent years adapting to trauma, reclaiming yourself is both powerful and possible.
